yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize