Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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