Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize