white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
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