OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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