These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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