OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My vagina is officially offended.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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