So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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