she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize