I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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