I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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