Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
