Whatcha textin bout Willis?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
