You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
