He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
