FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do vagina's smell?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
