i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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