I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
