playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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