i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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