I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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