weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
