I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
