bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
