I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
