you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
