yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
