He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
