i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
