I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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