the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
