I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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