Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
