How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
