I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This baby is an asshole
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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