real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
wakey wakey hands off snakey
from now on my penis is your penis
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
