I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
