so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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