i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
