How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
