Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
