Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
