i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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