taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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