News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
