i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
