no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dignity is for republicans.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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