Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
