Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
