I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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