i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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