if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
