mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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