Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
