when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And then he peed in my hair
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