Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
