I accidentally had phone sex last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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