do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
