This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
