If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize