he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
