so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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