note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
