PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
