have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
