i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize