Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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