he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
