I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize