I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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