See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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