Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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