i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
