i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Panties = found
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