Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
