I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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