I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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