you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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