Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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