1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
