That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
