he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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