smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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