Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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