we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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