I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Damn victory sex feels great
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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