porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
