I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
