I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
