I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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