Me too!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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