Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
