You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
