It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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