its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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