I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize