i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
