New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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