Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
