he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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