My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
